Inumanity of this Mere Bump in the Road
by greysnyper
Summary: Not really saying it should be easy, this journey has no right to being so hard.


West

West. And the great distance that seems not so great anymore. It should be nearly over. It should be a promised sense of safe. In fact, it's almost like a nightmare, running up before the first hint of dawn.

Hakkai has them often, murmuring names in his sleep.

It started two months back, as slight gripping of the pillow and sheets. It used to be something Sanzo thought he'd imagined. Now, even Gojyo tenses up some nights, aware of the bigger picture. If it wakes Goku...

And how long until the boy starts to feel the effects of the minus calamity, too?

Well, it sure as hell couldn't have been allowed to get easier, now, could it?

Which is why...which...

Which is why this is all the more fucked up. Even Sanzo can't get the words out right in his head, and they'll ask him to. They shouldn't, but they will. It's just like the first time they met, and even Goku realizes the irony. The sad, twisted irony.

Gojyo won't be the one to request it. Gojyo has yet to decide how he'll react when he really gets it. Understands. After all, this _is_ Sanzo's fault.

Hakkai had always been a brilliant combatant. Nobody would get close, and that had always been a comfort. Knowing that Hakkai took his advice seriously--feeding the same to Goku. Grow strong. Be untouchable and that way you help everyone else...

Shit.

Sanzo hadn't trusted Goku. It had only taken a second, a distraction. And then Hakkai was the one worried about Sanzo. It left himself open. Goku oblivious for that instant, and Gojyo the only one being decent--holding his own and watching everyone else at the same time. He calls himself useless but...

Gojyo's warning had caused Sanzo to realize just how essential Hakkai's projected attack had been for himself. It had also bought Hakkai that extra-instant of realizing the cost of his resuce, but the blade had been too close.

Hakkai. He'd give an arm and a leg if it meant the benefit of his team. It used to bother Sanzo to know that this was Hakkai's way to self-suicide. He'd pulled out an eye and would have gone for two if Goku hadn't been so damn innocent and naive. Today, it's a yokai slicing off part of an ear.

Perfect, really. That shift that Hakkai produces, giving him enough to avoid decapitation. They should all laugh about this afterwards, their quiet driver grateful and embarrassed. The bandages Gojyo can wrap about Hakkai's head. It's possible to move past this.

Once upon a time. Never this far West.

_I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I will._

Hakkai's limiters flicker in the dim morning light, and Sanzo sees silver with the blood. Any human would be in shock over such a wound--the sight of their appendage falling free so wrongly.

Any human...not Hakkai.

A part of Sanzo held his breath, hoping. They should all move past this afterwards...

Hakkai moves and the yokai is dead before anyone can blink. Before the ear hits the ground, they're that close to the source of their journey. And it's driving Hakkai mad.

_Don't take off your limiters unless you absolutely have to...if you lose yourself even once..._

"No," Gojyo's lips are moving.

The demons are becoming parts, just disconnecting. Hakkai had always hated yokai, and that had never changed for Hakkai since becoming one. He really does hate them. It probably just got worse, after the fact.

And after the yokai...

"Get the people out!" Gojyo is yelling. God, how is Gojyo even in control? He's shouting at Goku to move his ass. Sanzo knows he should move himself, too.

After all, nothing has changed. Sanzo is still just as responsible for Cho Hakkai's actions as he had been on day one.

Water under the bridge, yet still flowing. The aura around Hakkai is overwhelming. It's not the same as the Seiten Taisen, but it's still dizzying. Green flashes, grey sky. There are only people left. Hakkai won't stop.

Goku, he doesn't get it now. Helping people is something he can grasp, but...

_There's no guarantee..._Hakkai isn't coming back.

No words. No pleas to prevent this, though Sanzo doesn't have to hear them now. It's a solid truth for him--Hakkai would want this. And he'll remember that.

Good karma makes the death instant. Prevents the other from being smart enough in his rage to anticipate this, or maybe...maybe he had. The gun shot lingers, bouncing off of buildings. Filling the empty silence of this space.

They'll still somehow ask Sanzo to recite the sutra, and he won't be able to stop himself.

Three left. It's...no. Doesn't make sense. His _fault_, and he knows it.

But they're still going West.


End file.
